The “Are You Really God’s Gift to Women?” Quiz

Are You Really God’s Gift to Women, or Do You Just Think You Are?

A present for you

Image by _Zahira_ via Flickr


Here’s a first for the “Sparks In Shadow” blog. I created this quiz to amuse myself, but then got to thinking that my readers might enjoy it, too. Using wisdom wrung from my own experiences, along with some carefully interpreted casual observation, I wrote it for the guys to use as a tool — a relationship pressure gauge, if you will. I could write a companion quiz for women if this proves to be in any way popular. (I am definitely an equal opportunity, unscientific quiz-writer.) Oh, and if you’re wondering how I can possibly grade a man with only five questions, I assure you that there is actually only one essential question here. I added the others as a nod toward fairness.

So guys, ready to find out just where your natural woman-pleasing abilities lie? To each of these questions that the woman you love might ask you, simply choose the answer that would be closest to your first response.


1.  She’s not skinny. She asks, “Does my butt look big in these jeans?”

a.  Yes.

b.  No.

c.  I don’t know. Why are you asking me?

d.  I’m a guy. I like a big butt.

e.  I don’t notice that kind of thing. I’m in love with your soul.


2.  You don’t much like the color X. She says, “I’d like to paint the living room X. What do you think?”

a.  X? The whole room? Uhhh…

b.  I don’t really like X. Let’s pick another color.

c.  Get out the fan deck. Let’s have a look at all the different shades of X.

d.  Sure.

e.  Instead of on the walls, could we use X for some something else in the room like pillows or something?


3.  “Last week we went to that thing about (Your Favorite Subject Here) that you wanted to attend, so tonight I thought we could stay in, watch my Hugh Grant DVD, eat popcorn and cuddle. What do you say?”

Cover of

a.  Couldn’t we watch something else?

b.  Okay.

c.  Sure, I’d like to spend an evening cuddling with you, too.

d.  We could just skip the movie and get right to the cuddling!

e.  Do you really think a Hugh Grant comedy compares to (Your Favorite Subject Here)?


4.  It’s late Sunday morning, 90 degrees and humid. You suggest an impromptu hike in the woods with her and some friends. She says, “I’m no good when it’s hot, and I don’t want to hold you guys back. I’m feeling a little down today anyway. I really feel like watching some mindless TV, so go on and enjoy your hike without me. Okay?”

a.  Do you think you’re coming down with something?

b.  All right.

c.  If you’re feeling down, a hike could do you good.

d.  So you just want to sit at home and be depressed?

e.  I get that you don’t want to go, but are you sure you’ll be okay if I do?


5.  She’s slumped on the sofa after a mid-week workday. She says, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. My boss is an awful jerk. Why is he making work such a nightmare for me?

a.  I don’t know.

b.  Want me to go punch him out?

c.  What’s he doing?

d.  Let’s go out to eat, to get your mind off of it.

e.  You really got on his bad side!



Tally your score according to this key.


Answer Key

1.  (a0) (b4) (c2) (d1) (e3)

2.  (a1) (b2) (c4) (d0) (e3)

3.  (a2) (b3) (c4) (d1) (e0)

4.  (a4) (b2) (c1) (d0) (e3)

5.  (a1) (b4) (c3) (d2) (e0)

19 to 20 points  –  You may well be God’s gift to women. I hope the one you’re with appreciates you.

14 to 18 points  –  Your heart’s in the right place. Keep forward on the good path.

9 to 13 points  –  Hmm, sometimes you try. Sometimes you don’t. Why aren’t you consistent?

4 to 8 points  –  You need to learn how to exorcise those mean spirits that catch hold of you.

0 to 3 points  –  You are Satan’s gift to women.