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Shiver

Photo by -Char- via Flickr

Delight unremembered, in winter we shiver,
forgetting warm roads travelled.
Love’s grievous bones litter the mountainside trace.
Old ties lie, unraveled.

***

The prompt was to write a 21 word rhyme in a specific form, which included the phrase, “in winter we shiver” – from Julia for her 100 Word(?!) Challenge for Grown Ups – Week #17.

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49 thoughts on “Shiver

  1. Wish I could crawl through the screen and walk that path there 🙂 SO beautiful.

    Your words are, too. For some reason, they – combined with the photo that’s so green and lush – reminded me that whatever dies becomes the fertilizer for new growth.

  2. Once again you’ve written something that I like on the surface immediately, and turn away, only to pause and say, ‘wait a minute’, and return. This brief piece begs to be read out loud, outside, on a blustery mountain night.

  3. “Love’s grievous bones litter the mountainside trace.”
    So hauntingly beautiful.
    I know you told Jennifer up there the more positive sort of take you had on this, but – as we all know these things can be interpreted differently by different audiences (one of the things that makes poetry so great) – I was immediately taken to a place of darkness, of a love gone wrong, ending in murder. But (as impossible as it may be) the scene I pictured seemed almost…serene. Sad but serene. This piece pulled me in a few different directions. You have a talent for saying so much in such a small amount of words.

  4. Hi Re,

    Someday, I will learn how to put the accent above the e intentionally. 🙂 I love this. I have never mastered the art of brevity in rhythm like you undoubtedly have. You had me at “Love’s grievous bones litter the mountainside trace.” The most beautiful thing about winter is remembering the sure return of Spring.

    Peace to you my friend,

    C.

    • (It’s option ‘e’ then ‘e’ again. My sister taught me how. 🙂 )

      Thanks for the kind words, Coco. I’m trying to remember that spring will be back, but it’s hard for me to do that before March.

  5. Agree with everything above. True poetry under very constrained circumstances.

    I did read it allowed and the word ‘travelled’ came out with three distinct syllables with the emphasis on the ‘led’ at the end. Tra-val-led. Is this what you intended? It is what I hear in my head and works really well with the rhythm.

    • Thank you very much. I hadn’t thought of “travelled” as having three syllables (I would have changed it to keep the number of syllables of Julia’s example!) Glad it still works for you though.

  6. Every line has such a great deal in it! I can’t select one over another. Put together they make an amazing 21 word piece. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts & talent. (That sounds very stuffy but you know what I mean!)

  7. Away you will go sailin’
    In a race among the ruins
    If you plan to face tomorrow
    Do it soon

    The road to love is littered
    By the bones of other ones
    Who by the magic of the moment
    Were mysteriously undone
    You try to understand it
    But you never seem to find
    Any kind of freedom comin’ clean
    Is just another state of mind –

    Race amoung the ruins!
    Gordon Lightfoot – awsome song.
    It reminds me of your short and
    sweet little rhyme – I don’t think
    two lines have ever been more
    fun to say – Lisa is right, this
    has to be recited against a
    cold and firce wind.

    and – thanks again for the
    feed back, chapter two and
    three have seen another make
    over, and I’ve added a section
    for short stories.

    • Thanks, and thanks for leaving a taste of Gordon Lightfoot for us. I’m familliar with a few of his songs (“Sundown” and “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” are my favorites) but I’ve never heard this one. I’m glad you liked my little poem.

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