Home » Creative writing » My Contribution for This Week’s 100 Word Challenge for Grown Ups

My Contribution for This Week’s 100 Word Challenge for Grown Ups

This week's prompt for the 100 Word Challenge for Grown Ups

Today’s post is my contribution, inspired by the photo prompt above, to this week’s 100 Word Challenge for Grown Ups — Week #2, from The Head’s Office. To add your own or read the other contributions, hit this link. This weekly challenge is for writers who want to extend their audience and get feedback on their work. My regulars will know that I appreciate honest feedback, even if the piece doesn’t work for you. Hearing how others experience my work helps me learn. This is what I wrote (I couldn’t think of a title):

He didn’t turn around. I held Cara’s baseball bat, trying to seem like I just happened to have it as I came upon him in my yard. “Why’re you here?”

“I’ve every right.”

“What?” I backed farther away, glad Cara was at school.

“Listen,” he answered, without raising his voice, “I can be anyplace I like. You think you have the right to cordon off the world, but none of you do.”

I stumbled back inside. Safe behind my door, turning over his words, I became uncomfortable with knowing I should call the police well before Cara was due home.

*7/24/11 – In the spirit of full disclosure: Without changing any of the words, I moved the first sentence, which was the short line of dialogue, to the end of the first paragraph.

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29 thoughts on “My Contribution for This Week’s 100 Word Challenge for Grown Ups

  1. Wow, what an interesting take. I’ve been looking at this image and seeing melancholy, but after reading your version, his face seems defiant. It’s amazing how someone’s words can change how you see something.

    • Thanks! I like to think it could be longer, too. But despite the challenge of the hundred words, I liked the open endedness of knowing life goes on, and there are so many reasons why things don’t change just because we recognize that they should.

  2. You have created an amazing scenario with these 100 words! I would never have gone down that road with it so it is great to see your take on the prompt. Thank you for taking up the challenge & I hope to see you again next week!

  3. That’s a fully loaded 100WC it needs a follow up really doesn’t it. I have too many questions bumping around in my skull now?
    Nice to meet you

  4. Love it — what a challenge to tell a story in 100 words! I get a sense of a full and rich backstory here, and this snippet feels like one charged moment of the present (or recent past).

    Only critique is I was confused at first by the dialogue, because in the first three pieces of it I couldn’t tell for sure who was speaking. I can see how the limitations of 100 words would make you want to avoid “said” and “asked” etc, but maybe there are other ways to clearly convey speaker without having to rely on such words.

    Otherwise, I’m totally impressed by your ability to convey a lot with a little. 🙂

  5. I agree with some of the other commenters, I want to know more of the story, but what a fantastic snapshot conveying a dark mood and tension from the off. Popping in from The Heads Office. Vx

  6. Funny! I would have gone in a completely different direction with that photo! That’s the beauty of writing, I suppose. The deliberate selection of words, whether accompanied by images or not, can paint radically different images and/or render entirely different stories. I enjoyed yours! 🙂

    • For whatever reason, I saw a homeless man. I had hoped to spark a philosophical conversation, but the way I used the 100 words didn’t seem to work for that kind of communication. Discovering that about my abilities is precisely why this is such a good exercise. Thanks for reading it, Ms. Empress. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  7. Not knowing where to put this comment, I’m putting it here…. It’s response to your comment at my blog re 4th of July. I don’t think we have a difference. You might better tell me where we can talk. Does give me opportunity to visit your very fine blog, though!

    • I got in late tonight and found your email as well as this comment. I’m so glad that we don’t have have a substantial difference of opinion per your 4th of July post. Perhaps I misunderstood. I promise to respond to your email tomorrow, after I’ve had a good rest. Thanks for getting in touch.

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