Home » Progress » Art » Black Ice (formatted differently)

Black Ice (formatted differently)

(This is the previous posted poem, formatted differently. I’d love to hear if there are any preferences for one form over the other.)

you are like black ice.
I could not have prepared.
my bone cracks on the cement where you cling
and you value the dishonorable face of this?
or have blinded your heart to the sight

your agenda desires my reaction as fodder for your mill,
my art as proof that you hold power you have not earned
“I did that! I did! Do you see? Do you see ME?”
I feel your sting through shrunken miles, but am disinclined to look.
can’t see you clearly through your venomous web and bloodstained armor
or your pout like the child, or your whine like the tire on the long, long road

yet the righteousness you claim under self-given mandate
still burns into my eye. and the flimsy cloak
you wear over dubious duality
only states the case against you
and makes one who you beg to look,
want to go back to you as crying child to give you what you needed then
and avert my gaze from today’s tantrum

I did not tattoo you with the harm you wear.
I do not expect you to see mine.
whatever you see in me after my slip,
if it fits your goal,
you, and all others with bloodstained armor, shall never hold credit for this.
all credit for what I show is mine.
my armor may be invisible to you, or unimportant.
no matter
its weathered brown stains are my ancient blood,
not yours

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18 thoughts on “Black Ice (formatted differently)

  1. Glad to find your blog via lisa,

    lovely work,
    visit me to claim awards from the post, make a contribution to poets rally today..

    you rock!

    πŸ™‚

  2. Good morning RΓ© aka Lady Sparks!

    This format does read easier, but yesterday’s formatting helped me to take the necessary pauses I needed to process such a piece as this one. As a writer of poetry myself, I often try to “write in” those breaks, breaths, sighs, and spaces that my mind needs to adjust to the next image, thought, or emotion. So for me, either works fine, as the formatting doesn’t take away from the “heaviness” or “rawness” of the original work.

    Secondly, I’m intrigued by the images and the resulting emotions: (bloodstained) armor, black ice, dishonorable face, my slip, self-righteousness, tantrum-throwing, and to a lesser degree, the unwillingness to be reciprocal in meeting said hurt with your own wrath.

    Every post, poem, and story you choose to share with us is a delight, allowing us to peer in to your talent, if only just for a few minutes.

    Thanks Lady Sparks!

    • Thanks for giving it a read, Empress, and for your input about the format. At some point, I think we all come into contact with “black ice” and slip a little. We don’t all hit the ground, thank goodness for that. Still, when needed, it’s great that art can help one to gain traction. I’m glad you appreciate my work. πŸ™‚

  3. Hi Lady Sparks! This piece is pretty powerful. I agree with SomerEmpress and add one more thought: the best line, the one that punched me in the stomach was, “I did not tattoo you with the harm you wear” and then “…if it fits your goal,
    you, and all others with bloodstained armor…” Wow, what images! Thanks for sharing your work with us!
    namaste,
    Roxie

    • Oh, it was impossible to read too much into it! That person (the “black ice” I was referring to) was a powerfully negative force to be reckoned with. I was just under the impression that the person didn’t affect you that way. Which I recognize as a good thing. I find myself wishing that this other artist could be tolerant of the differences between styles of expression, as you are.

  4. I can read the words better this way and they seem more powerful as a result, but I still miss the breaks in the other one — I think the disorientation of the other format contributes to a feeling of slippage (black ice?). It’s such a cop-out to say that this new formatting is both stronger and less strong, but I do have both reactions.

    • I understand — I’m having two reactions, too. I want folks to be able to read it more easily, but the other format feels right to me. In the great scheme of things, I don’t suppose it really matters. Thanks for giving it another read. πŸ™‚

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